i worked really hard to get to Australia. when i got there i did everything i could to surround myself with the familiar. right now all i know as familiar is being redefined. my own body has been taken over and i do not feel at home in my own skin. my grandmother's home has been ransacked to be remodeled as my home, though it does not feel like home anymore. pictures i painted and gifts i made are scattered in boxes. layers of wallpaper that used to drive me crazy with their busy patterns are piled in the floor. the pepto-pink room littered with everything floral is plastered over. all of it gives me the feeling we made the wrong move. weeks ago my mother called in turmoil expressing similar feelings of disgrace. i didn't understand then. the picture of our idealistic design remains in my head but it quickly becomes fuzzy when faced with the disaster zone that is reality.
correct anyone who ever tells you it is pain free to take major life 'growth-spurts'. to improve the physical body one must breakdown the muscles before growth can occur. no pain, no gain right? the hard part of physical training is not physical but mental. its giving the mind over to the body. the spirit can take the body so much further than we all believe, we just get in our own way a lot. i'm trying not to get in my own way. for any growth in life to occur there first must be a breakdown, ripping apart, dredging, upheaval of really awful nasty stuff. there are days like today where this process is more than i can handle, and more than i can 'let go' of. it comes snowballing in and the weight in my chest alerts me to breathe.
from the outside looking in my life appears wrapped in positivity. new baby, new remodeled home, new opportunities; new chapter. all this newness requires transition and with transition comes stress. moving stress, job stress, physical stress, baby stress, relationship stress....the list goes on and on. managing it will only make it worse. within the next 60 days we'll finish renovations, move, complete birthing classes, navigate a maternity contract, gain 10 more pounds, and enter the 3rd trimester.
i am working on giving myself over completely to the process. with every attempt at comfort and surrounding myself with the familiar i am working on surrendering and letting go. a proverb i read somewhere said with much struggle comes much joy. the beauty on the other side of all of this brokenness is far beyond my comprehension.
hold on, the next 60 days are going to shake things up.
water baby
climber
yep that's an arm...strong climbing arms
introducing:
Logan Keith MacIntosh
Foot
5 reasons....
these are my 5 reasons why this might be a good thing.
5 of the 10 reasons i have to run to pee every half hour = someone loves kicking my bladder.
5 reasons why i'm kept up at night.
5 reasons we're ripping out memories at my grandmother's to create new ones
5 reasons why i've gained 7 pounds and am ok with it.
5 reasons why my diet now consists of red meat, fruity pebbles and pickles (i.e. Brian's favorite foods)
5 reasons i'm ok with giving up mountain biking and climbing for a year
5 reasons to toally change our lives.
5 of the 10 reasons i have to run to pee every half hour = someone loves kicking my bladder.
5 reasons why i'm kept up at night.
5 reasons we're ripping out memories at my grandmother's to create new ones
5 reasons why i've gained 7 pounds and am ok with it.
5 reasons why my diet now consists of red meat, fruity pebbles and pickles (i.e. Brian's favorite foods)
5 reasons i'm ok with giving up mountain biking and climbing for a year
5 reasons to toally change our lives.
ever after....
the wedding story
Because so many have made requests and so many have not heard:
(wrote Dec. 2006)
This is the somewhat edited verson of the wedding story. The whole account would be too massive to record. One day it will be though, maybe then I'll send our story to Oprah. We had the worst wedding and honeymoon. There I said it. You may not believe the story I am about to tell, but I just had to write. Recently Brian and I watched a couple on Rachael Ray tell their story about how their truck was stolen before their honeymoon. We were like, "Is that it?!" We had not one but many unfortunate events occur during our wedding AND honeymoon....
We hired wedding planners to plan our wedding on the coast of North Carolina. The planners, a couple in their late 50's, took off with our money 4 weeks before the wedding! The whole fiasco became a police investigation! The day we discovered nothing was accomplished for our wedding our photographer also bailed. (Love you Rachel! For good reason, God knew what He was doing then! She ended up coordinating the whole affiar.) Since the invitations were already out, we decided to go ahead with the date.
We planned our wedding in 4 weeks! We found a new baker, photographer, decorations, transportation, ceremony site, caterer (me + whole foods).....So much was done at the last minute. The day before the ceremony Brian got a lead on the evil planners and took off with his pose (groomsmen) to track them down, in hopes of retreiving our money, leaving my bridesmaids, myself and family to set-up for the entire reception, ceremony site and cook the rehearsal dinner!
The following day (the wedding day) we awoke to sideways rain, some of the worst storms April had ever seen across the country and on the coast. No barefoot wedding on the beach for us. A miracle occured at the last minute; we were given a 30 minute window between storms. We had the wedding outside in the drizzle, not on the beach but on the lawn/dunes. From there things ran smoother thanks to our families and friends serving and cleaning the entire reception!
The following day we left for the honeymoon. We traveled to Arizona, planning to road trip it in a Jeep and camp in the Grand Canyon at Havasu Falls.....things never go as planned...
We nearly spent our first night in the airport because we forgot the credit card used to reserve the car. Several days later, half way to the Grand Canyon, trouble caught up with us again.... Our second day in beautiful Sedona, AZ we both fell ill. We ended up in the ER with extreme cases of food poisoning! We managed to make it to the Grand Canyon days later, looked over the side, then headed back towards Pheonix. We packed all our new camping equipment and never used a bit of it. The story does not end there.....
The next morning I was somehow locked in our hotel room at Arcosanti (an italian architectural commune). It nearly caused us to miss our flight home. Between being locked in the room and the flight we also managed to track down a REI & Advanced Auto Parts to buy supplies to patch a 4 inch rip in the rented Jeep's cloth cover! (I must say we have skills)
Once home from our horrible honeymoon and disaster filled wedding we were anything but happy newlyweds. To add to it all we later found out that our insurance did not cover our stay in the ER, we were left with thousands in medical bills from our honeymoon.
I promise every bit of this is true, our advice is "Don't have a wedding!" We may develop more humor about the situation once we finish paying for it......The whole event could so be a made-for-tv-drama/comedy! At least we have an awesome story to tell the grandchildren one day!
(see pictures from the wedding and honeymoon on facebook)
(wrote Dec. 2006)
This is the somewhat edited verson of the wedding story. The whole account would be too massive to record. One day it will be though, maybe then I'll send our story to Oprah. We had the worst wedding and honeymoon. There I said it. You may not believe the story I am about to tell, but I just had to write. Recently Brian and I watched a couple on Rachael Ray tell their story about how their truck was stolen before their honeymoon. We were like, "Is that it?!" We had not one but many unfortunate events occur during our wedding AND honeymoon....
We hired wedding planners to plan our wedding on the coast of North Carolina. The planners, a couple in their late 50's, took off with our money 4 weeks before the wedding! The whole fiasco became a police investigation! The day we discovered nothing was accomplished for our wedding our photographer also bailed. (Love you Rachel! For good reason, God knew what He was doing then! She ended up coordinating the whole affiar.) Since the invitations were already out, we decided to go ahead with the date.
We planned our wedding in 4 weeks! We found a new baker, photographer, decorations, transportation, ceremony site, caterer (me + whole foods).....So much was done at the last minute. The day before the ceremony Brian got a lead on the evil planners and took off with his pose (groomsmen) to track them down, in hopes of retreiving our money, leaving my bridesmaids, myself and family to set-up for the entire reception, ceremony site and cook the rehearsal dinner!
The following day (the wedding day) we awoke to sideways rain, some of the worst storms April had ever seen across the country and on the coast. No barefoot wedding on the beach for us. A miracle occured at the last minute; we were given a 30 minute window between storms. We had the wedding outside in the drizzle, not on the beach but on the lawn/dunes. From there things ran smoother thanks to our families and friends serving and cleaning the entire reception!
The following day we left for the honeymoon. We traveled to Arizona, planning to road trip it in a Jeep and camp in the Grand Canyon at Havasu Falls.....things never go as planned...
We nearly spent our first night in the airport because we forgot the credit card used to reserve the car. Several days later, half way to the Grand Canyon, trouble caught up with us again.... Our second day in beautiful Sedona, AZ we both fell ill. We ended up in the ER with extreme cases of food poisoning! We managed to make it to the Grand Canyon days later, looked over the side, then headed back towards Pheonix. We packed all our new camping equipment and never used a bit of it. The story does not end there.....
The next morning I was somehow locked in our hotel room at Arcosanti (an italian architectural commune). It nearly caused us to miss our flight home. Between being locked in the room and the flight we also managed to track down a REI & Advanced Auto Parts to buy supplies to patch a 4 inch rip in the rented Jeep's cloth cover! (I must say we have skills)
Once home from our horrible honeymoon and disaster filled wedding we were anything but happy newlyweds. To add to it all we later found out that our insurance did not cover our stay in the ER, we were left with thousands in medical bills from our honeymoon.
I promise every bit of this is true, our advice is "Don't have a wedding!" We may develop more humor about the situation once we finish paying for it......The whole event could so be a made-for-tv-drama/comedy! At least we have an awesome story to tell the grandchildren one day!
(see pictures from the wedding and honeymoon on facebook)
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